Thursday, February 14

abc

Come to think of it, I'm a person who changes to be loved by everyone. In other words, rasa macam living to please others. Penat sebenarnya. To one reason,sebab tu saya paling tak suka duduk depan and mengarah. I was never a prefect back in my school years. not even a leader in any society atau mana-mana group discussion. The fact that I am really insane upon situations where my heart easily gets too emotional bila ditegur, diberi pendapat yang berbeza apatah lagi dibangkang mahupun dimarahi. Macam sekarang kan ramai je lelaki kutuk perempuan tengok bola kan,I terasa sangat okayyyy. Tapi itula, memang betul pun. Tengok perempuan yang tweet bola kalah lelaki, memang macam..... Tapi sebab saya memang suka tengok bola,so saya tengok lah sorang-sorang je,taknak tweet apa-apa pasal bola :( That typical quote yang selalu jadi common nasihat "Jangan fikir apa orang cakap,buat je" tak pernah ,menjadi dekat diri sendiri. I can always hear voices that stir through my ears "okay,jangan buat cani,nanti orang cakap kau gedik" "okay,kau nampak gemuk pakai baju ni Ayu" "Ayu,cantiknya perempuan tu. kenapa kau hitam sangat" etc etc etc. I feel so pathetic. Sob sob. Mama once told me, ayu ni kuat sangat nangis kecik-kecik dulu. Tak sangka sampai besar pun macam ni. I can't deny the fact that air mata ni sangat cepat mengalir. Sigh. Maybe,one of the biggest mistake is to put myself into fairy-tales stories yang semua nampak cantik,semua nampak sweet and semua very queen-like that end up giving me a sense of skepticism. Paling skeptik sekali,perempuan kalau putih mesti cantik. Sebab tu Allah bagi aku hitam kot,kalau tak mesti aku perasan cantik :(. Kakak usrah saya pernah pesan,jangan hidup untuk orang lain,duniawi semua tu. I hope I can one day understand what she said. Guide me Ya Allah,aminn.


Rindunya Mama dengan Ayah dekat Malaysia :')

5 comments:

Nurusaurus said...

apa masalahnya ppuan tgk bola? bersepah je kawan ppuan aku tgk bola ayu? rilek sudah :D

syamsul fitri said...

We all live to pleased others :(

Dilea said...

I think we try to get to know ourselves better everyday. Im trying as well. Searching for who I want to be. You might be someone who wants to please other today, but choose not to, tomorrow. Lets try to embrace ourselves and love us first before anyone else :) Mcm aku ckp Im trying as well. Hahahah so sekali sekala aku merungut tak cantik ke apa thats fine ehhh heheh :P

Anonymous said...

Skepticism kills

Idayu Yusof said...

:))

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